Anger:
Many parents worry that if they playact a feeling – such as aggression – with their child, the pretending will actually encourage more aggression. But nothing could be further from the truth, because if you don’t help the child use imagination or words to express the feeling, he is left only with acting it out. The feeling is there; anger is a part of life just as love, curiosity and other warm feelings are. When the child can translate these feelings into ideas, he doesn’t have to express them through behavior or to inhibit them, which would result in tension, anxiety and compulsiveness.
When the child is angry what does s/he do?
§ Hitting
§ Biting
§ Head banging on the wall
§ Tapping on the floor
§ Flapping hands
§ Become Restless
§ Spitting
§ Breaking things/object near the child
§ Slap/punch
§ Cutting body parts
§ Screw
§ Screaming loudly
§ Move here and there
§ Pinching him/others
§ Crying
§ Jerking body parts/whole body
§ Pushing/pulling
§ Jumping
§ Some aggressive attitude
§ Mouthing/biting tongue
Why the child is angry?
§ S/he may not be able to express something verbally
§ When the child doesn’t feel good
§ The child doesn’t want to do the task
§ The child is interested to go outside. But none is going outside with the child
§ Nobody is getting his/her massage
§ The child is trying to get something
§ There is nothing to do
§ The child is not getting his/her favorite food
§ For sensory problem
§ When s/he is bored/irritate
§ When he is fearful
And even the child may become angry without any reason for behavioral issues.
What should you do?
§ First you must be calm
§ Use Deep touch
§ Bare hug
§ Use positive word
§ Don’t penalized the child
§ Don’t use any negative word
§ Use reinforcement
§ Go outside with the child
§ Use motivating task (the child like most)
§ Don’t say that “I will punish you.”
§ Teach the child what to do
§ Use song/rhymes
§ Use any sound making toy if the child like this
§ Play child’s favorite music
§ Sometimes, the child does this for getting special attention. Avoidance or not giving importance may help then.
ABC analysis
Task: Make a list what to do and what not to do
Facing a real situation:
Say, there is a situation like this- the child is biting/hitting you. S/he is very angry. What will you do then?
Will you?-
Ø Slap the child
Ø Hug/stroke the child
Ø Hit the child
Ø Strike/beat the child
Ø Push away from you
Ø Close the child in the room/lock the room
Ø Bind the hands & legs of the child
Ø Shout/scream at your child
Ø Scold your child
Ø Revile/insult your baby
Please don’t do this. At this time the child may need something important to him/her. The child may try to express something but it is not possible for him to express. The child may feel bored/angry or fearful for something.
What should you do then?
1) Don’t be angry. It will harm both you and your child.
2) Try to be calm and make the child calm.
3) Use deep touch saying- calm down, calm down.
4) Hug the child firmly
5) Manipulate child’s hand to stroke you by telling- “ooh pain” “ooh pain”- touch endearingly/caress me by touching the space where the child bites. (Do this several times.)
6) Don’t say any negative word (like- Why you did this? /I will kill you/I will punish you) or don’t scold/shout at the child.
7) Find out the reason why your child is angry. If it is possible to provide the expected object. Allow the child to get the object.
8) Give the child highly preferred object/toy to play
9) Substitute the toy/task if necessary.
10) Try to give something pleasant to your child.
11) Sometimes, avoidance or not giving importance may help.
[It depends on your child’s preference to be calm. Sometimes the child may become calm after swinging/sliding/trampling/cycling/ feeding food item/rhyming/ singing/ or riding]
Important to remember: Your child doesn’t know- how to act when they are angry. Teach them how to behave when they are angry and what to do instead of doing harmful and unexpected things.
Several basic causes of tantrums are familiar to parents everywhere:
§ The child is seeking attention or is tired, hungry, or uncomfortable.
§ In addition, tantrums are often the result of kids' frustration with the world — they can't get something to do what they want.
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